Yes, I finally attended my first ballet, the Moscow Ballet’s Nutcracker, to be specific, at the historical and beautiful Orpheum Theatre.

While this view may give you a nose bleed, I was actually a lot closer than this. I could smell the nuts cracking.

And believe it or not, these were my highlights:

1. I could not stop staring at the men’s defined asses in their tights and especially their protruding penises. And neither could my wife, for that matter. She even pointed out which male ballerina (damn that sounds politically incorrect) had the nicest ass and package.
2. Every time an actor in a giant elephant or unicorn head popped out on stage, I laughed aloud, generating many evil looks from the audience. But goddamn it, the last thing I expected was a puppet show!
3. The fucking kid next to me just had to get up and go piss in the middle of the performance. What a small bladder motherfucker! How rude!
4. I loved the people who showed up in jeans and a T-shirt, like it wasn’t the fucking ballet. This ain’t no high school performance, Billy Jim!
5. I loved the show! It was a great performance and the actors/ballerinas were amazing! All in all, a great night out!

And now for some pictures:

You can't see me in this picture, but I'm surrounded by a harem of ballerinas.

I wonder what I would look like in that tutu...

http://skullvines.com/?page_id=1172

These are some of the weirdest beers I’ve come across, and frankly I’m unsure if I’d try some of them just due to the names. Which one would you drink?

The name says it all! When you get drunk, are you an arrogant bastard?

See what happens when you let a guy spell the brand name?

Cool, refreshing swamp water...

This might be a good alternative to Budweiser.

Monty Python's beer of choice!

You couldn't pay me to drink from a Hobbit's forearm.

Great for Christmas parties! At least you know you'll get some ass!

What you drink if you turn down Santa's Butt...

Tiger Woods might have been drinking this on Thanksgiving.

Congrats to Jerrod Balzer as his vampire serial FEAR THE WOODS makes the November Digital Bestseller List at Horror Mall!

https://store.fictionwise.com/ebooks/b93305/Charnel-Harbor/SD-Hintz/?si=43

http://skullvines.com/?page_id=1047

Oftentimes childhood memories will blindside me from nowhere and I’m compelled to blog about them, especially since I wish I hadn’t been such a shit of a child.

Mommy! I need my shitty Pampers changed!

I recall an incident where I was a fucking brat, and old enough to not be throwing temper tantrums. I’m guessing I was 11 or 12 years old. I was at a mall with my mom and brother. For whatever reason, I got an attitude. That was when my mom told me that now we were not going to see Lethal Weapon after the mall. I started bawling and begging and saying I would be good. All this for Lethal Weapon. Wow, I had fucking issues.

Don't make me shoot you, you whiny little bitch!

And how about all those times I refused to eat fish sticks for dinner? Everytime my mom served them to me I whined and cried. And everytime I was sent to my room, where I proceeded to gag and heave, for a whole bottle of tartar sauce never killed the taste for me. Eventually I was let out of my room and there those fucking fish sticks were, still sitting on my plate at the table, waiting to be eaten.

I'd eat fish dicks before fish sticks. Believe me.

I’m sure I threw more tantrums than Satan as a baby. I was a brat, a spoiled fucking brat. Don’t argue with me. If I had a baby picture handy, you’d agree. Cause I’m probably crying in the photo.