Dead Mouse Prank
Back when I was a wee little shit I played a mean trick on my next-door neighbor, who happened to be VERY religious.
We played in his sandbox on a daily basis, erecting desert towns, digging aqueducts. On this particular afternoon my folks had some contractors building a deck for them. One of the workers had killed a mouse with his hammer and left the carcass in the yard.
And that was when my environmentally friendly light bulb flickered in my head. I had to bury the mouse in the sandbox. First I quickly dug its grave, then I picked it up with a shovel and transported it. After filling the hole, I got the fuck out of dodge.
The next day we sat in the sandbox. I told my friend that I was building on the right side and he had to stay on the opposite side – where the mouse was buried. Keep in mind I dug a shallow grave.
I could have shit when his shovel hit the mouse. He uncovered it and grimaced, then jumped out of the sandbox. I played dumb. I leaned over the hole and realized how cruel the prank was. The mouse’s body was bursting with maggots, its skull full of holes.
Yep, that was one fucked up prank I never pulled again.
What’s the worst joke you played on someone?
January 4, 2009 at 8:21 pm
While I was still going to college, I worked in the world of cubicles and ties. It really sucked and I can officially say I’m not a team player. Anyway, in my short time with the company I did 2 particularly awesome pranks.
1. We had in our employ a group of engineers. If you’ve ever dealt with engineers, you’ll understand that they are a species all their own. One guy was a particular pain-in-the-ass…not the typical geeky guy, but not really ex-football captain either. But he was a real blow-hard, loved himself far too much, was his own biggest fan. He drove in one day with his brand-new Corvette and that’s all anyone heard about ALL DAY. So I thought I’d prank him…I snuck the keys out of his jacket (the new leather one with the Chevy emblem on in it) and parked his new gem on the OTHER side of the building, and for good measure, down into the recessed slot where the freight trucks belly up to the loading docks. I covertly returned the keys, then went home for the day. Apparently it caused some serious hub-bub with cops and all but…I wasn’t there, I went home!
2. At same place of employment, we had a team of accountants. One was a particular tight-ass (also a major dick-head; if you ponder both of those you come up with a really interesting visual). This guy, Dan, was not quite right…I think his parents really messed him up as a kid and what they didn’t do, the neighborhood kids made up for. This guy was poster child for Obsessive-Compulsive with an anal-retentive twist…each stack of paper (accountant remember, thus copious amounts of paperwork) was EXACTLY 2.5 inches apart and EXACTLY 3 inches from the edge of the desk. He hung everything on his wall with a level. Had a lint brush for his chair. Emptied his garbage the moment anything went inside it.
Dan took a one-week vacation so I thought I’d mess with him…I took his cubical and recreated it in mirror image, six cubes down. It took me all day, I moved everything. Then for good measure I filled his garbage can with all the paper shreds from the copy room.
I think I actually ended up sending him to therapy for that, and I sort of feel bad….but only a little bit. The guy was an ass.