Can You Write a 68-Word Gross-Out Story?

If so, then enter the contest at RevolutionSF to win a copy of Cullen Bunn’s HEAVEWORLD!

http://www.revolutionsf.com/article.php?id=4788

Skullvines Press Calls D.L. Snell on The Funky Werepig

Jerrod Balzer’s FEAR THE WOODS Now Available on Kindle

http://www.amazon.com/Fear-Woods-Book-One-ebook/dp/B00378LIL2/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=digital-text&qid=1265502531&sr=8-1-catcorr

Michele Lee’s ROT Now Available on Kindle

http://www.amazon.com/Rot-ebook/dp/B003726566/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1265502024&sr=1-1

Guess Who’s February’s Spotlight Scribe?

http://www.choateroad.com/spotlight.htm

Vampires from the Crypt!

Badslayer & Grimm talk the top 70 vampires on The Metal Crypt.

Daniel I. Russell Reviews Tabloid Terrors 3

Daniel Russell rated it: bookshelves: reads-since-the-big-move Read in February, 2010

So it’s mid 2009 I’m in discussions about a possible novella with Skullvines Press (Come into Darkness…out at the end of the year!) and Tabloid Terrors 3 is mentioned. Would I be interested in contributing? they say. Yes, says I. As a taster of the style they’re looking for, Jerrod Balzer sends me his story that is due to appear: Close Encounters of the Turd Kind: A Family Tragedy. Oh…my…god… Do I still want in? Yes, says I… That was my introduction to the Tabloid Terrors series, a collection of thus far three books that mix tabloid sensationalism akin to the National Enquirer, horror short stories and the most insane, sexy and fucked up situations you can imagine. Do not take this lightly.

In regards to the first volume, Cullen Bunn, the author of Heaveworld and the winner (again) of this year’s gross out contest at Visioncon said: “I swear…if Balzer and Hintz ever ask me to read something like this again, I’ll put my foot in their asses!” What we have here in Tabloid Terrors 3: Alien Perverts Wrecked my Pubes, is six short stories with a few fallacies thrown in for good measure (‘because facts give you nipple cancer’). Here’s a quick run down:

Alien Perverts Wrecked my Pubes by SD Hintz – A farmer wakes up to a message in his cornfield: For a good time, hit up Billy Sue, top window, north side, and Roscoe finds his daughter getting intimate with some ears of glowing green corn… I found this to be the character piece of the book. The madcap hick family are stand outs. Space Dildo Runs

Amok in Nursing Home! by Louise Bohmer – Imagine if the T1000 in Terminator 2 made the shape of a dildo. Now imagine that in a nursing home. I thought at one point that this was going to be an emotional piece…but then the phallic violence began. I believe this was based on a true story from when the author worked in a nursing home. By far the most feminine story here.

Alien Midgets go Hi-Ho on the Ho-Ho by Jerrod Balzer – A shorter (midgets? No? I give up) piece about an alien midget party in an intimate setting. Suitably nasty, with the brilliant advert afterwards which inspired an evil chuckle from this reader!

Albino Lesbians Penetrate the Grand Canyon by Daniel I Russell – Two FBI agents on the track of a missing girl discover the ANALS (Andromedean Nympho Albino Lesbians) who have come to Earth to satiate their unique hunger. A true literary classic (harhar!).

Moonshiner Says “Aliens Taste Just like Chicken!” by LL Soares – A shape shifting alien befriends a local bigfoot and falls foul of a moonshining redneck and a pissed clergyman. One of the most random stories in the collection which will just make you frown, shake head and laugh! I loved it.

Close Encounters of the Turd Kind: A Family Tragedy by Jerrod Balzer – This stood up to a second read after my initial taster. A family man receives telepathic messages from an alien race. He must climb Mt. Feces and worship its sexy smoothness. My god, he does just that with the encouragement of his drunken buds. A tribute to shows like Jerry Springer was a laugh out loud moment. Twice! I think any readers will get a taste of what went on behind the scenes of this book. We had a blast writing for it, and I think you get a feel of the slight competition between the contributors as we all tried to out-gross each other!

Personally, as a reader, there are many classy horror anthologies out there. This isn’t one of them. And that’s what makes it. This is the most original anthology I’ve read, and I’m not just saying that because I’m in it. My only gripe was that it was too short. Come on boys! We want a longer TOC for TT4! Now to become a Sasquatch sex slave and have

Nessie try to pimp my wife. Reviews to follow…

The Horror Fiction Review Takes On HEAVEWORLD

HEAVEWORLD By Cullen Bunn (Skullvines Press 2010 / tp)

Reviewed by The Horror Fiction Review

Let me start out by warning you, the reader, that besides the novella GREAT BALLS OF IRE, there are four short stories that Cullen Bunn told at (different) World Horror Con Gross-Out Contests. There’s a reason he won four of them. They are truly disgusting. They are THE LORDS BELOW (2003) about a sorcerer who drinks sea monkeys and they really don’t agree with him; SEVEN MINUTES IN PARADISE (2005) about a young man who conjures up a pukubus for sex; THAT STORY ABOUT LICKING A DOG’S ASS (2006) which has to do with the revenge of a man betrayed by his wife and her lover; and GRANNY KISSES (2007) about a yeast infection with a mind of its own, and in my opinion it’s the worst of the four. Even Cullen Bunn’s introduction is meant to gross the reader out.

GREAT BALLS OF IRE is gross, but no where near as bad as the four short stories. It takes place at an annual Testicle Festival in Midway County in the summertime, the testicles being bull’s balls (gross, yes, but people really do eat them in different parts of the country). This is no ordinary festival, however. It is the Thirteenth Annual Testicle Festival, and Blue, the guy in charge, has already noticed things going wrong. First, a body is found in a lot not far from the festival grounds. Blue decides it’s best to hide it so it doesn’t disrupt the festival, but he starts thinking about the curse of thirteen. Turns out, Blue is right about the “curse”. During the course of the festival Blue deals with a motorcycle gang, a Goth chick throwing homemade firebombs, and people getting sick and vomiting….and the day’s not over!

GREAT BALLS OF IRE is a very quirky and funny apocalyptic tale. Cullen Bunn is one hell of a story teller. There’s also a very funny foreword by Jeff Strand and some cool artwork by Mark McLaughlin. This is a must read…I loved it. Do not read the four gross-out stories on anything but an empty stomach—they’re that bad, but funny as hell. GREAT BALLS OF IRE is also gross, but I managed to eat a Devil Dog and half a bag of Fritos while reading it. I give HEAVEWORLD five stars.

-Colleen Wanglund

When Soda Goes Hillbilly

Is it just me or has soda gone hillbilly? C’mon, even if you don’t drink soda it’s hard not to notice how they’ve returned to their roots. Cane sugar. Hatfield and McCoy logos. Really? Is an old look on a new product going to make it sell? Well, Denny’s tried it and more white poeple than ever showed up for a sock hop.

All this over a rotten Grand Slam and Little Cow Polk.

When everyone gave up on Denny’s, they stormed off to the gas station to boycott Coke and Pepsi’s return to logos that make their drinks look they cost 25 cents.

Like Coors, this shit trickles down from the mountains, too.

They’ve even gone so far as to change the look of their vending machines!

This one was recently converted from an outhouse. 25 cents will get you a Coke. 50 cents will get you a pack of Camels.

It’s hard not to buy into the soda makers mad marketing schemes. After all, remember when Coke was all about cocaine and Pepsi was all about alcohol?

The Perfect Mixer....with Captain and Coke!

So now I wonder what product will go back to its roots next. Will Maxi-Pads revert to Mini-Pads? Will Jolt Cola make a comeback? Will Budweiser…oh yeah, never mind.

Man's thoughts: "I'll get her drunk, then rape her in the woods." Woman's thoughts: "Budweiser? How ghetto. Just like this branch for a fishing pole."

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